When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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