I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
