He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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