So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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