well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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