I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
