Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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