You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
