Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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