i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
