We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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