Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.