I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom