i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
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His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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