i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
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