Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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