K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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