Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Randomize
