We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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