do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
