sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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