Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize