I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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