hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
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We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
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I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.