in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
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I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
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Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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