u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
