I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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