Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
