Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(253): View more from Washington

i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.

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(925): View more from California

dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning

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(254): View more from Texas

his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker

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(254): View more from Texas

Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table

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The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Read it at the TFLN blog
(404): View more from Georgia

That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool

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(831): View more from California

Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.

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(325): View more from Texas

This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.

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