Already got asked if we're dating
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.