walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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