3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly