this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical