using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.