do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
You're right, stupid question.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.