i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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