I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
