your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Hippo gnu deer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize