my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
