I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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