The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
