Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
