Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
