she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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