So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I wish there were birth control emojis
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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