he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
