How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
