Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
