we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
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I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
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Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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