Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
