Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
