Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
