It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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