Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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