i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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