I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
