Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
