you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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