He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
